theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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