Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
