we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
