i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
