i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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