Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
