Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
