i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
