Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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