I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pooping to opera.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
