My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
