So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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