I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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