You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
