He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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