I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
