11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
