He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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