I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
