I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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