I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
