Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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