Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
