I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
