it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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