I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
