After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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