The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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