shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Boobs speak an international language.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
