was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
