i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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