Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
