Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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