Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
