He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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