new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
