thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
