So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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