I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
