thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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