Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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