I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
