I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
