Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
