Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize