Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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