Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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