Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
