Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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