you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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