he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
