She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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