I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
