very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
