its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
