What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
