Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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