i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
