he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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