I want to make a zoo with you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
