God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
