The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
