I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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