Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
