We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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