trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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