; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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