I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it's like iHOP with fire
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
