Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
