id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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