Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
