If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
