i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
