Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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